Through The Haze
by NanaMun
Summary: After a traumatic incident, Edward is admitted to an institution where he meets Jacob Black, the man willing to fix him.


**Author's Notes: **I don't know _exactly _where this came from. I suddenly wanted to tell a story about someone in an asylum. Then it progressed into a series of ideas and I just couldn't stop writing. This would be my first attempt at _completely_ changing my style of writing. I told this in two POVs. Edward's and Jacob's. I'm hoping very much that it won't be confusing at all. Just stating beforehand that Edward is...a bit crazy. He talks kind of weird, but everything he says makes sense if you read the entire story. He just has a funny way of wording things.

Jacob on the other hand, isn't as verbally poetic as his counterpart. He almost tells things like he written it in a list. It's kind of choppy, but hopefully doesn't screw with how you understand him. Just feel I have to explain these first, so consider this my disclaimer.

And speaking of disclaimers, there is mention of rape in here, but there is none _described_. I was thinking of going into it, but it really isn't necesarry for _this_ story.

Just letting you know, it is a one-shot. I have no plans of writing a sequel. Well, not now at least.

Do Not Own Characters.

* * *

**Through The Haze**

** Edward**

How many fathers love their sons this much? It was the first of Februray, which is colder than I would like to recall. My legs were working fine, that much I could remember.

Dad wasn't supposed to be home.

No. He was supposed to be working.

But there he was in my room, that hand of his on my shoulders.

"Edward." I couldn't hear him over the buzz in my ears. It was the cold wind.

The wind can talk, did you know that?

Carlisle Cullen, the best doctor Seattle has ever seen. He wasn't supposed to be here. That hand wasn't supposed to be on my shoulder.

"Hey," His voice sounded so soft, so gentle, "Are you coming to dinner?"

Was it night already?

Had it been a month already?

"Dinner," Supper, Din-Din, "I already ate." I didn't, but it feels like I have. We make our own realities, right?

"Edward," He sounds hungry.

"You should eat," Can he hear me over the buzz as well? "Dinner is reader."

He wants to wake me up. He has been trying for the last 31 days. Funny how I lose track of the time, but like a Grandfather clock, deathly loud and ominious, I can feel the toll of days pass. It has been fast, and slow. Depends on how you like your torture.

He sighed, a sign that he was still alive, still human.

Droids don't sigh.

I'm in a different room, a different day and he is there again. I have become concerned about his recent presense. Wasn't there a girl dying on a white bed somewhere? Pale skin, brown eyes, crying in pain. Maybe she is already dead.

Yeah, he's here. She's already dead.

Carlisle Cullen is staring at me like a stranger.

"Yes, Doctor." I meant for it to be humorous, but considering where I sat, this could have very much been true.

Doctors are doctors, whether they examine your brain or body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Did he hear that? That buzzing noise? Faint static, buzzing around, rubbing its antennas with wirey little hands, flying through my ears and out my mouth. This Static Fly, was it only meant for me; hacking my system, breaking me down, filling my brain with that relentless buzz. I couldn't hear the words he was saying, but he looked distressed.

Mr. Cullen wasn't nice when he was distressed.

31 days has become 32 and I can remember every second.

He liked to call it the "Accident", but your dick makes no accidents fitting in tight holes.

Red is a pretty color when it drips down your thigh.

"Are you going to do it again, daddy?"

He looked so relieved, "Do what, son?" At least he didn't forget. I was his son. Daddy loves his son a bit too much.

"Lotion, Petroleum Jelly, KY Jelly, spit. Father, have you ever considered these options?"

Father Cullen looked sick, "Ed-" Do grown men hiccup in sobs? Carlisle was a funny character.

*

I never met him before, but he stood in my room as if waiting for me to wake up.

"Hi." I sounded like a little boy and as if he knew just what I sounded like, he smiled. People have no idea how they can light up a room with just that.

He said my name, tip-toeing his way to me. My bed was white these days, thin sheets and metal framing. It fit me - so bare.

"You're more beautiful than I imagined." He said with such fondness, I thought he was Carlisle.

"Ditto." I laughed. See, I can be funny too. We both knew there was no way he could imagine me if I imagined him first. Silly boy.

His skin glew in the dark, a brown, a red, well, I couldn't be sure.

"Your skin glows so bright, won't you haunt my room tonight." I sang. He laughed at my joke. Of course he would.

He sat next to me, hands contrasting with bleached sheets. He still smiled, it was plastered on his face - eternally happy.

Then he was laying next to me, "Nice to meet you." I said to him. I had no clue as to why he held me the way he did, why he sighed the way he did, "Hey Rudolph, mind giving me a name?"

"Jacob." He mumbled against my back.

*

"Do you know what today is, Edward?"

"February 20th."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Heaven"

"Heaven?"

"I had a dream about you, Jacob."

"Jacob. You can call me Mr. Black."

"But you're red."

"Are you talking about my skin?"

"Don't you remember? You were shiny and red."

"How would I remember, Edward? It was your dream."

"But you dreamt me too."

Jacob was different. His smile didn't light the room as before and he said things, asked questions.

Bella. Bella. Bella.

Who was Bella?

Alice. Alice. Alice.

Who was Alice?

Where was Carlisle? Where was the Petroleum Jelly and where was his dick?

When I asked, Jacob smiled politely like we were two men stuck in an elevator and he wanted out. I liked him better in the dark of my room, rather than the light of day.

"Your father is at work. He wants to see you, Edward. You can make that happen."

"I can." I agreed. I didn't feel like talking. Tell him what he wants to hear, I told myself. Men like him like hearing things that makes them happy.

"What do you think you should be doing to make that happen?"

"Rudolph, have you ever prepped yourself for an invasion," He didn't answer, "Yeah, I didn't think so. It'll happen when it happens."

"What invasion, Edward?"

He was curious, so I obliged, "There's no such things as aliens, but there are abductions even in love."

"Who was abducted?"

Boy, this guy asks a lot of questions.

"Who, you ask, but I say what."

"Then what?"

"Ever seen someone thrown through a windshield?"

Jacob suddenly was paying attention

*

Big muscles and a booming voice like surround sound. Emmy came and escorted me back to my suite. Room number, I didn't know. I wasn't _that _type. Only crazy people concern themselves with numbers. Crazy people and _Rainman_.

Emmy was cute enough to kiss, but I wasn't a fag, so I settled for touching him like daddy touched me. That was considered love at home.

Emmy politely turned me down.

He put me in the room with Jazz, my new cellmate, roommate, hellmate. He was annoying.

His skin glowed, but not like Jacob's. Shiny little scars, like he cut himself with a scapel and stuffed the wounds with glitter. "How are you feeling?" He asked me again and again, "How are you feeling?"

Fine.

Tired.

Hungry.

Angry.

My own personal status update.

I wondered if he ever got annoyed with himself. I vaguely remembered being like that. Always concerned with people and their feelings, always reading thoughts and answering prayers. New Years Eve was the key to my prison. I was beginning to appreciate it.

*

Jacob accompanied Jazzy and I, plus a handful of others. Emmy was with him, muttering secret words into his ear. They were friends and that made me jealous. Jacob approached me and me only, a new smile on his face.

"What is that you are doing, Edward?"

"Kicking shit." I replied, not looking down at the table. We were playing blackjack with checker pieces. Rosalie, the pale bonde with the permanent sneer on her face said the game had always been like this. I doubt it. I can read her mind. She is crazy.

Jazz shook me violently, pointing at Jacob and laughing, "Your boyfriend." He was probably getting me back for telling him to shut the fuck up earlier.

Rosalie snorted, muttering something about "being left to the wolves" before continuing the game. Jacob's hand was on my shoulder.

It reminded me of my father.

"Talk to me after your game?"

"I'm not playing." I replied. Rosalie glared at me, promising to kill me after lunch with her eyes.

"Round up, round up!" A short, round woman yelled. I laughed, finding that rather funny. She was a short, chubby shepard herding us in line.

Names were called.

Then I heard my own.

"Do you want me to come with you to get it, Edward?" Jacob asked. He looked nice, not distant like the day before.

I shrugged. I needed a walk. I followed the crowd, pushing my way to the front of the line. A lazy eyed woman gave me the look over and handed me the small paper cup.

Colors danced in my hand. They looked like Mexican jumping beans.

"I lost my appetite." I said, bored.

She handed me a cup with clear liquid in it. It looked like vodka.

"I ordered something else."

"Do we have a problem here?"

"It's okay." Jacob was at my side, "I'll get him through this, Lauren."

Jacob had pretty brown eyes.

"It's okay." He repeated, holding out a hand to _Lauren_, his eyes still on me. She handed him a cup, "I'll take it with you, alright?"

"I don't want to be a robot. I don't survive on oil. I don't want to be a radio and I don't like static."

"I won't let that happen." He promised. He had warm hands and they were on my own, "I'll take this with you and we'll both be okay."

My eyes narrowed. I'm no monkey. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I want you to trust me."

"Well, if you promise to use jelly," I tilted my head back, turning the cup upside down above my mouth. The beans hit my tongue. I drank the clear liquid, gagging on it when it tasted as plain as my room looked. The beans went down easily.

Jacob waited until my eyes were on him and he did the same, only with no lubricant; dry.

He was able to take raw penetration I take it.

"See?" He said, handing me words of lollipop comfort, "Everything is fine."

His brown eyes crinkled and shined. And I heard the words as clear as the day outside.

There were very little of those in Seattle.

_I love you._

*

Emmy watched from afar.

I think Jacob put him up to it.

Jazz carved a knife out of what looked to be plastic he had hidden and made another scar, this time on his arm. "Can you feel?" He asked me, before Emmy took him away.

Perhaps that was why he watched me.

But he was wrong. Bonds aren't always made with company. It takes more than that.

Jacob approached me again. I was beginning to wonder if he was as imaginary as the first time I saw him. He sat in front of me, eyes searching my own.

"I heard about Jasper." He said quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Was he an orphan?" I asked, "no friends?"

Jacob looked at me curiously, before answering, "Jasper lost his parents when he was a child. He hasn't told you this?"

"He wasn't my friend." I said coldly, "He needs those. And parents. He would be better."

"And what about you, Edward? What do you need."

"I need no one." I answered without a thought, "I lived a life of friends and family. The last thing I need to do is _feel._"

"Do you think Jasper is wrong for wanting to feel?"

"To each his own."

His hands were on my own, "Why do you think you are this way, Edward?"

"Caterpillers don't stay the same way forever." I really wished he wouldn't touch me, "Metamorphisis."

"You don't think this was triggered by anything?"

"Like a gun?" I joked. He didn't laugh, "Guns aren't the only things that kill people."

"Do you know anything else that does?"

"Cars."

I could see Emmy move from where he stood. There was a series of howls down, somewhere, echoing off the walls. Were some of the people here bats? Three of them blindly got up, howling and screeching, running towards the sound.

"People here are crazy." I grumbled.

That made him laugh. His smile blinded me like the bats. But I was fine as long as he was laughing, I knew he hadn't left me.

*

The beans made me tired, but I could still think right.

I thought of him.

And soon, I was dreaming of him.

I dreamt of his laughter, his hands always on my own.

I woke up to Jazz singing. He smiled at me, a dazed look in his eyes.

"Jacob got me out." He lifted his bandaged arm, "I promised I wouldn't do it again."

"Good for you."

Jazz nodded, fingering his arm gingerly, "_We're all okay in a misguided sadist way. We're all...okay_."

I didn't see Jacob until noon. He looked tired, but happy. He was seated next to Rosalie, calming her down from a fit I could hear earlier from the bathrooms. I could smell shit and hear her shit. It was a shitty morning to the second power.

Jacob noticed me staring and welcomed me over.

"We were just talking about Rose's husband." I looked at her, not seeing her as the wife type.

"He has nice friends." She smiled smally, wetness gathering in her eyes, "We were supposed to have children. I wanted a boy."

Jacob sighed, resting a hand on her shoulder, "I know, Rose." He looked over his shoulder, "Emmett." Emmy came strolling over and he was gone, with Rosalie tucked under his arms.

"Where is he taking her?" I asked.

"To the roof." I stared at Jacob. Roofs weren't safe for crazy people, "It's gated. It calms her down to see the children down the hill, walking home from school."

"What's her deal, anyway?" Jacob stared at me. He looked surprised.

"She wanted to know what day it was."

"It's the 22nd of February."

"Yeah. She missed Valentine's Day." He said, looking out at our marvelously barred windows. I always thought it was helpful if people threw themselves out of windows once in a while. Kept the rest of us entertained.

Whose idea was it to keep these people alive, anyway?

"Did her husband die?"

He frowned. I didn't like his glowing skin dimmering. I couldn't bask in lamplight, "No, he didn't."

"Did your wife die?"

Jacob didn't reply right away, "I don't have a wife, Edward." He said slowly, "Do you?"

"No."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Have you ever had one?"

"Never."

"Are you sure?"

He wanted to ask me out on a date, "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I asked.

He stared at me, shocked. I guess I was a bit shocked myself. I don't like men. They aren't attractive to me, but he was. "I'm flattered." He said, smiling sweetly, "But Edward, I don't think that's something I can be. I'm here to help you." I saw pain in his eyes, but I was pretty sure that was my own reflected in his brown mirrors.

"You broke my heart."

*

I only kicked her because she wouldn't go away. Lauren looked preetier with a missing tooth anyway. I suppose she wanted me to swallow that along with the beans. They were nice enough to let that slide, singing me lullabies with big, metal needles, waking me up hours later to feed me through a straw.

I don't like chewing anyway.

Jacob knocked and I pretended I wasn't there.

_Hi, you reached Edward Cullen. I'm currently playing hopskotch with a one legged woman somewhere on top of a rainbow._

These lullabies gave me fucked up dreams.

In one of them, Jacob came in apologizing. I forgave him when he blew me.

In another, Rosalie chased me around with a small alien. I think it was her unborn child.

In my last dream, I saw two women. They were so familiar, yet I couldn't put a name to their faces. One was so small, a pocket-size friend, hopping around in the backseat of a leather interior car. the other, sat to my right, brown eyes wide with laughter.

The next minute, she was flying through the windshield.

I woke up, fighting my way out of a metal prison, only to find myself in another one.

This room was so white and empty.

I wanted Jacob.

"JACOBJACOBJACOBJACOBJACOB!"

They drugged me.

And I woke up again, screaming it.

I lost track of days. I wanted to not exist. What was this world without a date. The earth's rotating and I can't keep track? Where was the system, the organization?

I woke up and saw him. It was dark again, but he wasn't smiling. His lips were drawn down.

"Glow, Rudolph, glow." I pleaded. The world was a bit shaky, but he stood steady and still, moving only to touch my hair. I leaned my head into his hands, enjoying how his skin burned my cheek.

"Edward," He said softly, "How are you?"

"I dreamt about you."

"What did I do?"

"You loved me. You only love me in my dreams."

His eyes reamined distant, but I knew what he was thinking. _I love you now._ "Edward, why did you hurt Lauren?"

"I don't want to be a robot."

"You won't be. You trust me, remember?"

"You pretended to care." I couldn't move away from him, so I turned my head, "You care so everyone will stop cutting themselves, stop yelling, so they eat from those small cups. You and you're bodyguard. I don't trust you."

"Edward, please." He sounded so sad, but then again he could be joking, "Please. They want to keep you in here for the next few days. I need you to cooperate with me."

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked, "Does he not love me anymore? I won't scream next time. I promise."

His hand shook. It touched my forehead as if checking for a fever, but it was him burning up, "Please, Edward."

I saw the flicker of fear in his eye.

The same fear I remembered seeing before.

_"Please, Edward!"_ She was so small, palms against the glass, fire rising around metal. Icoughed black, not knowing what to do.

_Alice!"_ I screamed then and again to Jacob. His eyes widened.

"Her name was Alice." That small girl, "She was my sister."

Jacob smiled through glassy eyes. He leaned over, burning my skin with a kiss.

He left me.

*

I woke up in my bed. Jazz was gone and the door was opened. Anyone could just walk in and take advantage.

Emmy came in moments later, saying the Doctor needed to see me.

The Doctor.

Carlise, my father?

Or Jacob, my savior?

It was neither. She was in a room that smelled of a British sitcom. Her hair was like fire. The same fire that trapped Alice away from me. I hated this woman already.

She stood from a leather couch, "Hello, Edward." She greeted me like we were old friends.

"Who are you?"

She looked at Emmy and back to me, "Jacob said he could remember."

"Maybe he doesn't like you." Emmy replied. The fire haired woman frowned and dismissed him.

"Edward, I'm your doctor. Remember? Victoria?" She said slowly.

"I'm not retarded."

She seated me in front of her, and began asking me questions that only a creepy stranger would ask.

What does my dad do?

How old was I?

When was my birthday?

"You remember Alice." She stated.

"She was my sister."

"What do you remember of her."

"She was in a fire."

"Do you know what caused it?"

My mind was running on empty from all the questions, "I'm coming up with nada."

"Do you remember Bella?" I stared at this "doctor" with distaste, "Do you remember your relationship with her?"

"Educate me."

"You two had been dating in high school." She said slowly, watching my expressions. Jacob didn't study me like a rat, "She was with you and Alice."

"When?"

"New Year's Eve." She said, "You remember the party?"

"No."

"There was a truck-"

"No." I shook my head.

"Edward-"

"I was at home. Carlisle came into my room-"

No real doctor does this, "Edward." She said my name again, "Your father worked late that night. He was the one that operated on Bella."

"I don't know a Bella."

"You were in trauma. Do you know the scar on your leg?" Her words were blurring together, "You cut yourself getting out of the car. Alice cried for you to get her. You saw Bella yards away, her body mangled by the truck she flew into. Alice still screamed, but you couldn't stand. Your leg hurt so much. She died. Both of them died."

It wasn't until my hands were over my ears that I knew it was me that said those words. The doctor stared at me as if I was crazy, but I wasn't. Jazz was, Rosalie was, but I wasn't. I knew what happened. Carlisle couldn't save Bella.

He came into my room on the first of January, hands on my shoulders, sobs in his throat. And I knew.

I didn't want the guilt. I didn't want Alice and Bella's death on my hands. I wasn't careful, I wasn't careful.

I shook my head, trying to convince myself. But I remembered everything. Carlisle forcing himself on me-

He was guilty.

Not me.

Not me.

"Where's Jacob?"

The doctor didn't speak right away "Jacob is with the other patients."

"I want him with me!"

"Edward," I was beginning to find the way she used my name annoying, "Jacob isn't who he says he is."

"He said he wants to help me."

"He does."

"Then he is all I need him to be." She didn't move, "Get Jacob."

"Edward-"

I stood up, watching her shrink. I laughed at that. No noun, just a verb, "Look here, bitch. I kick out teeth."

"Emmett!" She called, and the big, buff man was back in my sight. He didn't look threatening at all, so I wasn't sure as to why this doctor looked relieved.

"Come on Eddie." He said, using one hand to coax me out. I trusted him, because Jacob trusted him.

When we were out of the room and in the comfort of my space, I felt it safe to ask,"What's today's date?"

He laughed, like it was an inside joke, "April 26th 2010."

That couldn't be right.

"But I was only here a few days." He looked at me, as if figuring out whether or not to talk, "Be honest with me, Emmett." That made him smile.

"Hey, you remembered my name. No more Emmy?"

I scowled.

"You have been here just over a year." He held an arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards safety.

"But I only remember-"

"Yeah." He said slowly, "You forget a lot of things."

"I remember Jacob."

He smirked. For the first time, Emmett looked different to me, more human, not just another bolt in an operating machine. "Yeah, you do."

And there he was. "Edward." He was smiling, coming from behind the worthless lumps of crazy people. Emmett let me go, just as I stumbled trying to get to him.

"Jacob!" I ran into his arms, feeling relieved when they circled around me.

"How are you?" He breathed into my neck.

"I remember."

"Good." He said, happily, "How do you feel?"

"I just wanted you." I couldn't hold back the next words, "I love you."

He rubbed circles into my back, pressing warm lips to my neck, "I'm here."

I could read his thoughts. _I love you too._

*

**Jacob**

Emmett and I watched the pale, young boy in the distance. He had been here for a week and not one word left his pink lips.

Emmett stood proudly in his uniform leaning in to inform me of this new fish in the sea of chaos.

"We don't see much of those." I thought outloud. And we didn't. People slowly go insane. It doesn't happen overnight.

"Who brought him in."

"His dad." Emmett answered, "Get this. He operated on his girlfriend, the one who died."

I shook my head, feeling sorrow for the young boy. Eyes, so green, seemed to be dulled, no life.

"Has Victoria spoken to him yet?"

Emmett shrugged, "That kid is barely here. She spoke to him twice already and each time he asks where he is and who she is. He doesn't remember shit."

*

It was a month in his stay and I gave it a try. Victoria was the head psychiatrist, but considering the luck I had with many other patients, when all else failed, she needed someone with less of a title. It was why I was here. He sat next to Jasper, who took to talking to him, unaware that he was unresponsive.

I sat on his other side, watching the one-sided conversation until Jasper walked back towards his room.

He stared ahead, a thumb pressed to his lip. He was unresponsive to noise, so I figured touching might do some good. It was a big risk, but any type of response from him was progress.

"Edward," I placed my hand on his thigh. His eyes, once blank and emotionless, flickered to life, "I would like to introduce myself."

"Are we neighbors?" His voice was dead and he stared ahead.

"I'm Jacob."

"Nice name. Mother's choice?" He sounded distant, yet he was engaging. This was good. I had more progress than Victoria so far.

"Yes, it was."

He was silent.

"Did your father pick your name?"

Doctor Carlisle." He whispered, "Do you know him?"

"I do not."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No."

"He loves me."

"I know he does."

*

He didn't remember me the next day and that was disheartening, but I knew a few things about him. I started the conversation like before, placing a hand on his knee, asking him about his father. And from there it went on. He was difficult just like everyone else before him, but there was just something to the way we engaged in conversation that I couldn't shake. For someone so detached from the world, he had quite the sense of humor and he did something not many others did; he asked me about myself.

It had been 3 months. Victoria was frustrated. She reminded me that Jasper showed progress under that time as well as Rose.

"I thought you were getting better." she said sourly, "But it appears as if you're only getting worse."

Emmett found the accusation more appalling than I did, "It's _her_ job. She's the one with the word _doctor_ in front of her last name. Fucking ridiculous that she puts all of this on you. You're a fucking pa-" He inhaled deeply, clenching his jaw.

I needed to work harder, I knew that. I wasn't losing hope like the rest of the staff. I kept to him everyday.

And I was rewarded.

About a week into the third month, he said something remarkable.I just couldn't help feeling a bubble of joy.

"I dreamt about you last night, Jacob."

I wanted to touch his cheek, seeing the flush of color there. He looked alive and he was staring back at me, eyes searching my own. He remembered me.

After another month, it was Emmett he remembered.

6 months in, it was Jasper, he remembered.

He couldn't recall all of our conversations, but he was engaging more. He responded better when I touched him. It was like a boost to our progress. He liked feeling my skin on his own.

"You feel good." He commented one morning stormy monday in September, "I think I'm in love with you."

I didn't know what to say. Edward's words couldn't have been true. I knew I was the only one he enjoyed speaking to. He still couldn't remember Victoria even though now he was recalling Lauren's face.

His eyes stared into mine now with more than just familiarity to an old acquaintance. When he talked to me, his eyes cared. He smiled, he joked, he flirted.

But he didn't remember anything.

Could I take his words seriously?

7 months in and I got him to earn my trust. He took his medication willingly, without putting up much of a fight. He was progressing so quickly, I was becoming fearful of the appraching day when I would never see those green eyes again.

*

I lost myself in Edward, making little to no contact with any other patients I may have been helping in the past. Jasper suffered.

He was doing so well a month ago under my care, that I became comfortable with going weeks without a healthy conversation with him. Mid November, he was bleeding, in the arms of Emmett.

"I heard Edward's screams." He said. I walked them both of them to the doctor's office then ran my way back to Edward's room where a nurse watched him drift to sleep, a needle in hand.

"How did he take it?" I asked, seeing her shake her head sadly.

"This is the first for him." She merely said.

I held him in my arms, until I was needed elsewhere.

I was sure he wouldn't remember. Emmett had watched him for the rest of the day, stating that he remained pretty much as he always was.

He remembered what he wanted to remember and took the situation lightly.

He nonchalantly alerted me that Jasper wasn't his friend and even explained to me that he didn't want to feel. And I knew right there, we were one step closer to solving his problem. He was lying to save himself.

*

The next months ran smoothly. We spoke of places we wanted to go and things we wanted to see. We made no mention of why he was here or if he remembered anything. Instead, I did my best to work him through remembering the days he was living in. We eventually discussed something personal. He asked me if I was in a relationship with a woman, if I was married. I said no and it was true.

And he looked at me in a way I never seen before.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" It was an innocent question, but loaded with so much more than holding hands. This was someone I was treating, someone that needed me as a guide, not a partner.

I felt my heart ache for him. Edward Cullen, you have no idea...

"I'm flattered." I said that with all my heart, "But Edward, I don't think that's something I can be. I'm here to help you." I felt my world crumble when he stared back, eyes blank as the day I met him.

"You broke my heart."

I broke my own as well.

*

There was a chaos of hysterics the next morning. Lauren was bleeding, Emmett and the rest of the orderlies were holding patients down, including Edward who screamed and kicked, uttering slurs I never thought he would know.

I wasn't permitted to see him the first night.

And the next, he didn't want to see me. He kept his head turned, eyes ahead.

"Please, Edward," I touched his leg, feeling a part of me die when he didn't move, "I'm so sorry."

"If you are trying to reach me, I am unavailable at the moment." He said, doing his best to sound like a robot, something he once said he never wanted to become.

I came again the next night, asking him to forgive me. He closed his eyes, pretending to sleep, "I love you." I admitted, "And I just want to save you."

"Blow me."

Emmett waited outside, catching me as I collapsed in his arms.

"He'll come around." He assured me, "You're all he cares about in this shithole."

We all heard him the next morning. He was shouting my name.

I was kept from the room.

"You'll see him when he's calmed down." Victoria promised.

But he didn't. And I didn't.

They moved him to a different room, tying him to the bed to keep him from hurting himself. And they drugged him, drugged him to hell.

"Hey, come on, Black," Emmett was getting scared. I could see it in his big, round eyes, "Everyone needs you. Don't go crazy on me."

Emmett snuck me in that night, giving me 10 minutes as he kept watch.

I walked into his room, watching him sleep for the first 5 minutes, until he jerked awake, his voice crying out, calling me.

He could see me, eyes lighting up like they once did, "Glow, Rudolph, glow." he pleaded. I loved him so much.

*

I was in Victoria's office the minute she got in.

"He remembers!" I exclaimed, "Victoria, if you speak to him now, you can get to him. He remembers his sister."

She looked weary, "Jacob, he can't remember everything so suddenly."

"You think I'm lying." I said, darkly.

"I don't." She sat down at her desk, rubbing her temple, "He can't even recall who I am. You've become invested in treating him, that you're starting to fall back on your own progress."

"I've been handling the other patients fine. Jasper hasn't cut himself in months, he's playing games with the other patients. He even talks to Emmett now. And Rose-"

"I'm not talking about them, Jake." She said knowingly and sighed, "I knew this was a bad idea. I took advantage of your talents, we all did. I should have been addressing your sickness. I apologise."

I stared at her in disbelief, "What are you talking about?"

"Jake," She sighed, "have a seat."

"No."

She planted her hands on her desk, before standing, "I don't want to have to send Emmett in here. You have been so good these last 12 months."

"Don't treat me like a patient." I snapped, feeling a rush of anger rise and uncurl off me, "You take Edward out of that fucking room, damnit! You are going to kill him!"

She stared at me with tired eyes, "Where do you live, Jacob?" She asked.

"Stop with this."

"What's your shift?"

"You know I have no shift. I'm here when you need me."

"And when I don't?"

"You always need me."

"If so, where do you sleep?"

"I-" I felt a pressure on my chest, my anger, fury, making my vision red like fire.

"Jacob, we've been through this. You're here for-"

"STOP!" I screamed, my throat tightening in rage. I felt the pressure of hands on my arms. I felt myself being retreated back, pulled against a chest.

"Alright, alright," I heard the familiar rumble of Emmett's voice, "Calm down."

"Take him out Emmett!"

"I'll try, man." I could hear the stampede of footsteps, the eyes of the men and women I worked alongside with.

"I'm sorry, Jacob."

I kicked out at them, "Don't!" I fought against Emmett's hold, "I'm not a patient! I'm one of you!" the needle was in my arm.

"I'm sorry, man. So sorry."

*

I didn't much of anyone for the next two days. Emmett brought me out of solitary before the sun was pass the horizon. He looked guilty, lost. We stood in silence for a moment before he opened his mouth to talk.

"Edward sees her this morning." I nodded, "I let you out because, I figure you'd want to see him before then."

He was tucked under the thin blankets, bronze hair sticking out untidily. Jasper snored lightly in the bed next to his. Emmett waited outside the door, keys in hand.

He looked paler than usual. His eyes fluttered and he whispered deep in slumber. I knelt by the bed, taking his cold hand in mine, "I'll be waiting for you." I whispered in his ear. I stared at his angelic face, accepting my fate. I didn't know who I was until I fell in love with him. I have no family, no history, no reason for being here, other than having him with me. If that meant being crazy, I'd take it, no questions.

"I love you."

I stood, walking towards the door only stopping, catching a whisper.

"Jacob."

*

"I haven't decided on a name yet." Rosalie whispered, rubbing her stomach, "Demitri, Felix. The names are endless." She stared at her hand, a small smile on her lips.

"Rose." Her name died in my throat. She looked so happy, content in her world. Rosalie lost her child two years ago due to miscarriage. And it was her husband who made her suffer, her husband and his...friends. They battered her until she could permenantly bear no children. She lost it and ended up here, where she couldn't accept her fate, so she made another one.

And she was happy.

"Yes, Jacob?" She answered, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Name him Edward."

She beamed.

I got up, hearing his voice, floating down the long halls. Sets of Orderly eyes followed me, still remembering my episode days before, but they didn't move. I knew a bit of them was hoping I was back to my normal self. I walked in the direction, turning a corner and nearly dying from happiness when I saw him, protected by Emmett.

Our eyes met and I swear everything was clear. He was in my arms, talking to me, happy to be mine.

I couldn't agree more.

"I'm here." And I always will be.

* * *

**AN:** I tried my best to write this without saying too much. I wanted some things to be left up to you guys as a reader. I didn't want to have to explain everyone's history, Rose and Edward being the only exception. This may be the only fic like this, it may not. I'm weird and I'm just going with the flow of my brain. If anything in the fic confused you, feel free to let me know. As for me, I am going to finish the Christmas Fic. I swear this time. No lollygagging. Until next time...


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